one of the greatest frustrations i have since college is getting my hands on the wheel and driving alongside other vehicles on the road. i've taken driving lessons when i was 17 so i know how the pedals, gear stick and steering wheel work. the thing is, i just don't have enough courage and talent to go bumper to bumper with those undisciplined PUV drivers. or perhaps it's my panicky nature that's preventing me from being an adept driver.
i've had too many driving practices with my mom, bro, and b in nearby subdivisions. in fact i have a few "real driving" experiences to boot. when i was still working at alabang, there were a few times when i managed to get me and my b home in two whole pieces. actually, there's this one incident that i'm always pleased to remember coz it's the only time i was able to maneuver the car on my own. it was 3 or 4 yrs ago when we went to pnb at picc. there was no parking area nearby so while my b encashes a check, i jumped to the driving seat and joined the cars making u-turn at the far end of the road. by the moment i got back to pnb, my b was out and i was so proud of myself that i was able to make it. haha..shallow! it was really such a big deal for me and everytime i remember it, my heart thumps with excitement at the thought that at least there's this one "5 minute moment" that i was able to fulfill my frustration.
i have this love-hate relationship with the clutch, brake and gas. sometimes it's smooth, other times it just won't cooperate with my feet's rhythm. one thing that led me to accept the fact that this frustration will be just that is when i was faced with a deadlock situation one time i was driving home from my b's place. there was a parked car (car 1) on the street and a second one(car 2) about to enter their garage. my panicky nature got the better of me when i saw another car (car 3) coming from the opposite direction. i know that the reason car 3 and i can't pass the road is because of car 2 who shamelessly positioned himself to block the road. before i clumsily got out of that difficult situation, the car died on me for about 3 times because the nerves were very active on my knees and feet i just can't get it to release clutch and step on gas at the same time. i was filled with anxiety, shame and trauma when i got home and i bluntly declared to everyone that it was the last of my driving attempts. in a manual transmission, at least.
i strongly believe that i can only drive an automatic vehicle wherein there's no clutch and feet rhythm to think about. when my dad bought an A/T van a few months back, i was thrilled because finally i can now drive! but no, the van was too big for me and since it has no hood up front unlike a sedan, it was difficult to see the front end of the vehicle. aaargh! i know i can still practice driving it but with it's brand new state, i just can't risk giving it a scratch or bumping it to a wall or any other innocent objects/vehicles.
first, i can't drive a manual car. second, i can't drive a van. even if it sounds like it, i'm not making excuses here. when i was driving the van, the gas feels so light and smooth that it put me in a relaxed mood. i was also confident that the car won't die on me even if those silly nerves attack me again. i simply love it. now i know that what i need is an automatic sedan. for the meantime, i'll simply sit in the passenger's seat and wait and more importantly, work hard for that dream car to finally come.
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