hard times

things are getting a bit hard for me these days. kind of trivial compared to "real" problems of others but it's just not how it used to be for me a few weeks ago.

first, my mom is still mad at me for reasons i can't quite fathom. i know that i haven't been spending much time at home during the time b's best friend, z, was in the country for a vacay. z going home here rarely happens so we as his friends really make the most out of it and i thought she would understand. apparently NOT. and if it's my boracay trip she's upset about, that i didn't ask permission from her before i purchased tickets or that i didn't say goodbye to them before i leave because they're still sound asleep with the bedroom door locked, i am probably gonna freak out. because i am 28. and i believe that in this mature age of mine, i shouldn't be treated like a kid and the least i could do is let them know where i'm off to. the cold shoulder's been going on since i arrived from bora til now and i make it a point to go home late these days because i don't want people losing their mood because of me.

second, i'm having some health issues which i'm trying to just shrug off hoping it will go away after a while. there's this painful abdomen, aching neck-back-head-eyes, strikes of dizziness every now and then, and difficulty breathing. i know i need to have some check ups done on me but i just don't have the time. and honestly, i don't really like going to the doctor. not that i'm afraid of them nor with those needles and meds associated with them. i kind of just don't have a trust in them anymore after that one female doctor made my situation more miserable than it was. oh well, just like past incidents like this, i know this will pass. i just hope it goes away sooner because it's difficult to work when you're not feeling well.

i try not to get affected by all these. i may act like i'm indifferent but there are times when i can't help but let out a tear. of course it makes me sad that one of the people i love most is not talking to me. and i'm scared of finding out if i have a real health issue to deal with. but the least i could do is not spread the miserable feeling i have with those people around me (especially at work!) so i try to be as normal as possible.