an assessment

at 27, imagine how flattered i am when my 14 yr old brother told me that one of his batchmates who saw us in church thought that i am younger than he is. he was attracted to me to the point of searching for me in friendster and even asking for my photos. well yes, very very flattered.

aside from the fact that all my brothers are way way taller than me, i guess people mistake me for being the youngest when i'm really the eldest is because of my baby face look. haha..kidding! honestly, i think it's my renewed outlook in life plus the wonderful things that happen to me every single day that's making me feel and look young.

i somehow realized that i'm already old which led me to assess what i've been doing for the "adult" yrs of my life.

the other day, i told my b that if only my parents allowed me to take a course that i really wanted, i would've been a very successful CPA working at SGV, have gone to different countries, and probably have my very own car right now because it's what i really pictured myself to be even before i graduated secondary school. that's right, numbers, i like numbers. when i studied computer science, i didn't have a clear view of what i will be after i finish college. all i know is that compsci people have great paying jobs just like what my parents told me. during the course of my college life, i never really excelled in my compsci subjects. i'm just an average student whose grade is always in the middle except for PE, rels, filipino, logic, stat and the likes. but i'm the kind of person who can do a great job once i really engage and immerse myself into it. so even if it's numbers i really wanted, i resigned myself to the fact that i'm a compsci degree holder and that's what i have to do for a living. during the interview on my first work as a programmer, my boss told me that just one look at my exam paper, they already knew i'm the one they needed for the position. they are probably right because after less than a year, i was already one of the nominees for employee of the year award and the only reason for me not winning is because i'm just a relatively new employee. hmpf! oh well, at least it showed that despite my apathy on my profession, i can still perform well.

after being overly stressed out from that job, my perseverance in work led me to putting up a software business with my b who's a real computer wiz ever since he was young. it's been 3 yrs since we started this business and i must admit that being your own boss is not as easy as it seems. the fact that neither of us is knowledgable in business management took a toll on our biz's progress. i had a few management classes in college, yes. had i known i would be having a business of my own, i would've taken those classes seriously. but i realized that this whole thing is a continous learning process. we honestly had a lot of mistakes which almost resulted to our downfall. now we're slowly rising our way to success. still not very good, though. the most important thing, however, is we learn from our mistakes and we now know better.

reflecting on where i am now, i'm not a successful CPA as i have dreamed of. but i could've gotten a new car, travelled to places i wanna go and probably earning as high as managers earn in other companies if i didn't leave my very first job (seriously, they're that "generous"). but the truth is, i'm scared of the fact that if ever those things happened, i probably wouldn't have a healthy relationship with my b or worse, no relationship at all. b is the source of my daily happiness. just seeing him puts me in an unexplainable high. we're in such bliss that, believe it or not, we don't have any problems in our relationship like most couples do. maybe being with each other everyday helped develop this healthy bond between us. one more great thing about us is that we are trying to achieve our goals side by side, figuratively and literally. for me, no amount of success and material possessions can replace this wonderful thing we have.

they say that nothing is perfect and i believe that. but everything that's happening to me now is the closest thing to perfect that i can imagine. yes i am happy. very very happy. and perhaps that's my secret to looking young. *winks*