something hard to swallow

after years of doubt, i think i finally have proof that my little brother might be *gulp* gay. i have nothing against gay people but to discover one in the family is just so difficult to accept.

my little brother has been acting effeminate since he was young. we became a bit concerned about it but then figured that it may have resulted from his super close relationship with me and my mom. when he had a girlfriend at the age of 11, my worries were somehow eased, thanks to the horde of girls sending him cute and sweet text messages. from then on, i always picture him growing up to be a good-looking (ehem..just like his sister) guy whom girls go gaga over.

my speculations about his sexuality grew back when he started school this year. he frequently goes out with this 2 new guys at school which at first, seems pretty normal for kids his age. but when he started asking me if one of them was "cute", THAT is an entirely different story. still, i was able to brush it off as some sort of an i'm-cool-coz-i-have-cool-friends syndrome.

yesterday while setting up our wireless router, i checked the webpage history of this laptop. imagine my shock when i found www.gaywired.com and www.mostbeautifulman.com in the list. there are only 3 people who use this laptop: me, my dad, and my brother. i swear to the whole wide world that i would never visit such sites unless someone makes me to. my dad...after 27 years of marriage and 4 kids? impossible. there's no other one to point the finger to but my brother. and i am deeply saddened and upset by the fact that he might indeed be gay. i will have to talk to him about this but right now, i will have to calm my nerves until i am affable enough to carry on a decent conversation regarding this issue. i will also have to prepare myself for what i'm going to hear from him. i hope that when that moment comes, i will be ready to accept whatever will come out of this because after all, he is still my brother whom i dearly love.