ranting to remove the negative thoughts out of my system

for the past couple of days, our home seems to be enveloped by some kind of dark spirit trying to lure members of my family into its lair. almost everyone is acting up like crazy. this dark spirit took away the noise of laughter and corny but sweet conversations we normally have. sometimes i feel like i'm talking to robots because my questions have only 1- or 2-word answers. there are even times when there's no answer at all but instead i get a frown. i have been doing everything in my power to fight this dark spirit and bring the harmony back in our home. but sadly, i am outnumbered coz some of them are already on the dark side.

i always want my loved ones to be happy that i will sacrifice my own needs for them. in short, i am a complete pleaser. i know i have my shortcomings but that doesn't give anyone of them the liberty of treating me like i don't exist. in this particular day that i chose to make myself happy rather than just give in to someone's whims, it's like i've never ever been a good person..ever.

in my defense (if ever there really is a need to defend myself), 1)i invited her a lot of times to spend bonding time together, she always refuse 2)my activity for today was already planned since yesterday and i always do first come, first served basis 3)it rarely happens that b invites me to go to somewhere different so i don't want this opportunity to pass 4)i am too excited to have a change of scenery 5)i am excited to purchase an mp3 player 6)i gladly said we'll just make it tomorrow instead, but she just rolled her eyes.

sigh...i just can't believe this. all my life of doing what she wants me to do and being what she wants me to be, the slate is always cleared on the few times that i choose to do what i want. i have no choice but to prove myself all over again.

so now, i'm having a pounding headache.

at least i've had the change of scenery i have long been waiting for, have eaten in a new resto that is not found in any other malls and got satisfied with the meal, i already have an mp3 player and cool soothing music to go with it, and i have b whom i love dearly and happily spent the whole afternoon with.